Life you go on

With twists and turns you were uncertain ,
times when I was tentative , times when I was wrong ,
Errors-corrections-more errors , Sure you got complex ,
Complex for slowly changing goals and evolving priorities.

perceptions prejudices had to be amended ,
Felt burdened overdoing things ,
On occasions not giving full dedication ,
Of being in love and care , overshadowed by moments of loneliness ,
Introspection , smiles , understanding the thin lines ,
You had multiple colors , I kept changing with you.

Quest for wider perspective ,
Search for future with reason to value ,
Remain on positive side when in trouble ,
Know that past should not be burden ,
Future should hold reason for hope .

Realize performance as per potential ,
Think , decide and act but do not stop ,
For you continuity is only constant ,
Overcome helplessness with knowledge about truth.

You will become formidable soon ,
As i will try to hold on forte and improve,
Retrospect view indicates what is yet to come ,
Time to renew eagerness to rise ,
Time to add wonderful chapters to life.

p.s : On new year eve time to wish Happy new year to all friends .
Let's renew resolve to leave bad habits and continue with good work towards better future.

Let the story continue

Counted days for long , finally it came ,
did wait to have moment of pure joy ,
had to hide excitement , to live in the moment ,
when one wants to speak too much ,
One ends up with much less.

 When one wants the moment to stop,
All it does is to pass so fast ,
Not to forget , happy memories created in between,
To remember and smile always.

As the story moves on ,
The journey will require continuous effort,
To say, start itself was courageous ,
Conclusion will be worth the effort ,
I shall wait to see your successful endeavor.

Things will keep changing in path ahead ,
Light will reveal the unexplored path ,
Some obstacles may seem insurmountable ,
It will require motivation and confidence ,
take one day at a time , remember your good points.

 As for me , I shall treasure all moments ,
Will keep finding excuses to remain in contact ,
Motivation series will be elongated for sure,
I just hope time-space won't diminish it in long go.

Remain always just the way you are ,
Keep spreading smiles , as you always do,
Just to repeat , I'm happy to know ,
I came across a wonderful soul like you.
Let the story continue...


************************END**************************

Simple and beautiful

These thoughts have persisted in my mind over the years. It's better to assemble them at one place for future reference. Here it goes , some thoughts , beliefs , memories from past which leave me all smiles . Years considered for these are circa 1993-98 .

1: It was ritual to keep reminding dad to get new pair of slippers , shoes . Measurement of the foot size was handed over to dad using cotton thread. Sometimes the footwear had to be returned for not fitting perfectly. In hindsight these were cute and priceless moments for sure.

2: It was customary to check what dad got while returning home. Closely associated activity was to tell dad what to get while returning home. Mostly , eatables in form of fruits , sweets , toffee etc used to come. In due course i did develop special interest for Samosa . Even now , when i visit home, dad acknowledges my presence by affectionately bringing hot Samosa as evening snacks.

3: Visiting vegetable market with brother was enlightening activity. More often than not it was our habit to ask each vendor for the associated price of almost all vegetables on display. Even if buying was not on agenda , just knowing the price was all important. Brother used to buy from poorest and probably most marginalised ones sitting in corner or outer area of the market. Now i know it can be called equity in decision making and one should have sense of empathy to do that .Sadly , lack of empathy and equity are reality in everyday life.

4: Counting number of wagons in railway goods train was priority activity. Bragging about the longest goods train one had seen was some sort of prized experience. Deciphering the meaning of letters written on the wagons was another associated fun activity. Even reading all lines written on back side of trucks was hilarious for sure .  To name a few , TATA , Fir milenge , Horn OK Please , Baba tera sahara , Awaz do and many more .

5. I still remember the curious expression of mother's face when i told her that we should give tip to the waiter in the restaurant we had visited. She quipped , " Is is mandatory? ". I had replied , " of course not" , as we moved out all smiles. Even now its difficult to explain to mom that people do spend thousands of rupees for one meal.

6: Among kids there was special fascination for content of movie posters. Reading anything and everything in the posters was done with utmost care. There was general consensus that the instances of hero falling in love with heroine was absolute non-sense. It was assumed to be a grave sin to even think about love and romantic things in real life. Thanks to movie fight sequences, we kids used to fight in slow motion with sound effects created from our mouth.

7: We kids used to feel bad for coming into world quite late. British had left long ago giving independence to India. Gandhiji was no more to lead the people of the country. We used to subscribe to the idea that Subhash Chandra Bose was alive and will return to India soon. India fighting war with Pakistan was only hope we thought we could use our life meaningfully for the country.

8: I do not from where it had started but all kids used to believe that Dev Anand was not permitted to wear black shirt. Reason circulated was , many girls had committed suicide on seeing him in black shirt. Exploits of Dara Singh and Kapil Dev used to be part of folklore as well.

9: Running after butterflies and dragon flies for hours was done with excessive dedication . Disturbing sister when she applied high degree of concentration to catch dragon fly added to unlimited fun and uncontrolled laughter..

10: My morning wake up signals used to come in terms of mom shouting incessantly proclaiming since how long sunshine is there and since when birds are chirping. She used to say only a "kumbhakaran" like person can sleep like this. This has not changed over the years. Somethings never change , undiluted love with same intensity.

I treasure these things and are so close to my heart. I have changed a lot over the years , the kid in me is alive and keeps reminding me the past that was there . It helps specially in difficult moments. Message is laud and clear , life is beautiful in simple things :)

Do it Better

As it took twists and turns ,
Struggled to keep it simple ,
Confused myself , what to do next ,
Thought that should had handled it better ,
Felt struck, At times too weak to move forward ,
Giving up was not an option ,

Somehow had to find Will power to rise again ,
Quest to write future of own ,
Promise of working with determination ,
Felt lonely as i tried it better ,
I knew its about rising after each fall;

Searched solace in unknown ,
How to decide which path to choose?
Things can get complex in no time ,
Felt bad for people whom i care,
May be i should had cared more ,
Quest for excellence ,
Grace of accepting failure ,
Hope that good chapters are to follow,

path should not remain like this,
Things will improve in the story,
Its time to gather all courage,
Get ready for challenging times ahead,
Time to be strong more than ever,
Time to give colors to my dreams.

The Carrom Moments

Over the years I did came to know that this is means to be part of memorable moments. I remember, when I was eight year old , I used to whine before dad every day in quest to get my own board , the carrom board. After initial reluctance dad had relented thanks to my over-zealous-incessant-demands. To my delight , later on , I did manage to get a custom made board as well. Then it seemed some sort of dream , now i can’t stop smiling thinking about those demands and wonder how dad used to handle that .Even though cricket has been my favorite game , carrom did command considerable interest and it manifested in multiple special moments.

While initial association was to take a break, best carrom-moments were to follow during college days. In college, people had almost endless-time to kill and carrom room was prominent place for doing this. Soon all kind of players were to assemble around the board. Some novice , other beginners , some with their peculiar but efficient style of playing . One interesting part i was missing earlier , it’s not all about playing , it’s also about speaking while playing. I was privileged to meet people who could actually make people around them go ROFL. Jokes flowed , taunts and counter taunts were hilarious to say the least. Some used innovative expletives to show their disgust and anger on themselves and their team members  , when critical shots did not bring desired results. One friend applied probabilistic style of playing ,while other friend  took really long time to execute his trademark shot which tested patience of souls present around the board. Not to forget the controversies about rules and expert opinions. In short , almost all basic and necessary ingredients of memorable moments were present in carrom-moments. Just to add ,it was heartening to see novice players become good players in due course.

Life is some sort of quest to add happy chapters and one can easily find means , people and places to create those chapters. Now , as I look back , its slightly difficult for me to comprehend and replicate the excitement which was associated with carrom-moments. What I can  easily do is remember those vibrant faces and smile for few minutes without any reason. All good things must come to an end with one-dimensional flow of time ; may be this is how life has been designed or maybe there are many more chapters to add , equally good , if not better. The quest must goes on :)

Words that count

Moving sometimes without any direction ,
Pulled back many times by the emotions ,
Felt lonely with people all around ,
Worrying almost always without any reason,
Questions galore , thoughts continue .

Courage to rise again on each failure ,
To say each time i can manage it better ,
Hold tears for happy moments ,
Search for the hug when going gets tough ,

Energy to go that extra mile ,
Empathy to understand hidden stories ,
Resolve to never give up on hope ,
Quest to be better with each mistake.

Strength to accept mistakes ,
Resolve to remain grounded with humbleness inside ,
Joy of getting cared and caring others ,
Love in the moments for being unconditional.

Be proud of future which is possible ,
Build up on small dreams ,
Honesty being all time companion ,
Respect and know your limits.

Unending talks do continue ,
Difficulty when no one is there to listen ,
Being the person what you are ,
Caring yourself without being selfish ,

Give more than what it takes ,
Wait for the chances, Overcome fear with truth ,
Use your best in worst of times ,
As they say , do it with plan B .

Follow the heart when mind gets numb ,
Story will have many chapters to explore ,
Dont' hold on the chapters too close ,
Do let it go when the time demands so.

p.s: One of my favourite lines before closing ; " Greatness is not in never falling , It's about rising everytime you fall".

Mornings with Smile

Moments when i did wait for morning to come ,
For this i slept early , sometimes i woke up early ,
Sometimes time did pass fast , sometimes it seemed it has stopped,
Sometimes i waited patiently , on others i initiated the conversation,
Never knew which option is better.

As i tried to act smart , i knew it's more of stupidity ,
As tried to hide it with smiles ,  i felt weak inside ,
Tried to get away , when i wanted to get close ,
Spoke words when i wanted to listen ,
Couldn't know which option is better.

Wondered how i did sound when my mind went blank ,
did it show when my heartbeat was fast?
Tried to know if i am right or wrong ,
Was too scared to know the answer ,
I knew , it can get difficult to console myself.

Hating myself was not the solution ,
Hugging pillow was not an option ,
If only , I could manage things better ,
Some questions remain unanswered .

Days when i did smile whole day without any reason ,
Unknown person can get this close and be special,
I became better person in between,
If feeling of getting cared is special ,
Caring someone more than yourself is more than special,
May be its difficult to show everything,
When heart overcomes the mind.

Knowing there is no escape ,
May be time will erase them ,
Sense of ending is too scary ,
I don't know if could explain it,
For now , decided to accept the incomplete story.

p.s : Feeling good to come back to my blog after 1 year gap :)