Back to where i was

Time and again we fear something and just hope not to be in that sitation . The situation may be real or just state of mind. It's so difficult to smile just because others want to see your happy face . Today i was pointed by 3 of my coleagues , " why i am moving with dull face?" . I tried to hide the reason with false smile ( i am very bad at giving false smile ) . Thanks to them for at least pointing this .I Wanted to share my feelings that why i'm feeling realy sad? but couldn't .

Currently i'm in the state of mind when everything seems useless .Not long ago all seemed fine and it seemed i can handle all circumstances . It is really bad to hear bad words from person who cares for you . Yesterday this was the case when someone really special said something .Though what was mentioned was true but we always want someone to be on our side. Here i would like to mention the jingle....

" Everyday i want to fly , stay by my side "
" Everyday i want to dream , stay by my side "


However strange this may seem , we want someone to be on our side and wish them not to go against us in worst of scenarios . But some circumstances make it happen when we are left alone to face it all from everyone . Now i have been forced to revert back to analyze my situation . feeling bad at my condition , i know no one can help me with this. I can only hope to live with this pain . Till now i always said to myself all will be fine .
All things are in disarray , all seems devastated . Time is to look for repair work which is nowhere in sight. Don't know if the repair is possible .Don't know what process to follow to help myself . I have lost place to channelize my emotions , good and bad . I am involving myself in things i did to make myself busy , i know this is futile effort as it is turning out to be .

Even my best effort is not helping me . May be with time things may take better shape . As usual we can only wait for better tomorrow but somethings will always keep on haunting . For now I've to live in prison of my own creation . responsibilty accepted for fault will never console me , Don't know i am moving to where.......i can say Back to where i was most of the time in past where loneliness gives me company.