searching the unknown

Multitasking has its way
Sometimes it works, many times it doesn't
When so many things go in mind in coherence
finding correct path for one is penance

Irony is even is such chaos
we get bored and subdued
When its difficult to cope up alone
I search for someone special in darkness

Searching when result is known before
helplessness it can be called
Things can be ignored at times
But,quest continues to find the support

Falling and standing time and again
Every-time i say, " i have decided this "
Somethings can't be undone ,
Some parts can't be re-written

Hope keeps us going
Priority keeps changing
But when i fall where i know i'll
I search for my miss special

Unknown path seems unending...

Point of discussion

With pen in hand
mind speaking blank
Confusion in heart
obstruction galore
Fight is going on , as always , within...

Sometimes settled things may not be right
undercurrent keeping things unstable
thoughts make me fly at times
These thoughts take me to THE times

When someone had to take some time
Other had to make some point
Some were pointed out
A few were "elbowed" out

When everyone agreed upon punctuality
Getting late was taken seriously
When something started with mindless talk
Everyone enjoyed being in particular lot

Selection of topic was always a dilemma
When all looked up to me time and again
But i never complained
After all this was nice burden

When pointing wrong was not an offence
Learning from better one's was the rule
Leaving bad habit was the tool
Every-time things did conclude happily

Some memories are always sweet
As i write this blank mind is no longer blank
Thoughts are flowing
Thoughts which make me smile

Now i can see compassion many times around me
what i miss is people whom i could say anything
what i miss is innocence attached with the smile
May be equally nice moments are there to be added
But for now i am listening sounds from memory lanes


p.s : This blog entry is dedicated to all college friends who participated to make our weekly group discussion we fondly called c_tec discussion memorable for me ( a story in itself ). So many sweet memories attached with the same. Elbowed out saga is the icing on the cake from c_tec discussion . I would make actors of this "saga" read this blog entry.

Some decision , a moment and the appreciation

Agent Smith : Neo , you are going to help us......whether you want or not......Because you have decided this and we won't give you time to think why you have decided this . Changing the decision is beyond is thing of the past which can't be undone.Such can be the game sometimes...oops!! most of the times. We do what others want us to do just because we had decided to do that. What one wants to do and in what manner is lost in translation when it comes from others mind. What next?...its silent quest to redeem the lost grounds by adjusting to the scenario. Adaptation and survival of the fittest has resulted into evolution or the other way around? Let's leave this for the better minds to study and achieve greatness from the same. Is it like this way that lesser souls will have to lose freedom at the expense of hard decision.


Here comes the abrupt end of random thoghts......it's not random if i think from my conscience .We end up getting into measurable situation just because one decided to do that ...what must be known always is why this decision was made. This will help coming out of the bad situation and similar mistake if possible won't be repeated if one is lucky/unlucky to face similar scenario again.

Moving on to the special moment part.
Date : 20th Sept 2010 AD
Time : around 1:20PM IST
Location : escalator
Responsible entity : one friend
Scenario : The entity started singing one song and stopped abruptly because some other entities claimed entry into the elevator...actually it was some initial words of the lyrics "gal meethi meethi bol " . what was special about the moment can't be expressed in words. This has led me to write all other special moments in the past which i have observed....work in progress on that.

Finally, time to close this blog entry , this is being done by mentioning my pleasure over my first work-related-appreciation-mail....at least this did qualify my criteria of appreciation mail . The same has been stored by religiously naming one folder "Appreciation mail". I hope this is the beginning of more such mails . Before closing, "In this world there is more hunger for love and appreciation then for food " .

Bye folks!

Happy B'day To gogeshwar

I don't know the story goes back to which date-time. May be it was august of 2005AD. Something had begun without any significant warning . I started knowing someone ( i know that is impossible ) and evolution had started in my life ( college first year it was ) .What followed was countless moments of pure joy-masti-faaltugiri.

I did find someone in front of whom one can only laugh all the times ( ignoring some serious discussion in packets ).Mindless talks can not be so beautiful,i did feel that many times. It was only understood be a few, with time others( species) joined the party to make it more beautiful. Joyous moments were mixed with moments of serious talks ,we-will-do-this-do-that kind. In his take-it-easy approach i found seriousness at times. disorganized can be organized in its own ways , there can't be better example. His prowess to intermingle with any one in smallest possible time makes him real special person. People end up calling that communication skill .I can go on writing , but at the same time i know less written, its better about Mr Kools .
Before closing moment to remember , "we leaving for home in college Bus( college to town) and our mindless talk in bus, till then i never knew i can be so good at having fun in most simple scenario. Every time i'm inside a bus that moment comes spontaneously in my mind leaving me smiling :)

Now coming to main agenda , all this was written just to say happy B'day to dear gogeshwar ( as he is lovingly called by himself ).I wish special attributes attached with you get better with years to come. One secret to be reveled , My mom is your huge fan , she just loves your videos i showed to her.

"Remote" control

This blog entry is over fight over remote control with special mention to the airtel advertisement : Mera Ghar , Mera TV ,Mera Remote . I always had fight with sister-dear in spite of the fact that there are only two options there in my house ( DD national and DD-news ) . No points for mentioning who used to win the fight and who opted for what....she won obviously (ignoring some exception when mom come to my help ) . I have been away from home for 13 years now, still that fight is renewed everytime i'm at home though the vigour and enthusiasm has diminished over the years.

Coming back to present scenario , in our flat ( 4-5 humans stay there with time-space complexity playing its part).Thanks to BPL TV's small "memory" there is option to tune only 30 channels . So there is COI ( conflict of interest ) everyday with people exchanging awkward facial expression involved with some interference in air resulting into "noise" pollution. I tried to list the reasons

1: Emotional attachment with particular program ( tom and Jerry in my case )

2: One doesn't want to see something

3: one can't ignore some channels.

4: one can't see something.
( other equally good scenarios have been left for reader's imagination )

In good old days one had to walk upto TV to choose channels....oops!! increase-decrease-volume , contrast , fine tuning etc...OOPs-again!! how can i forget voltage control using voltage stabilizer. least lazy one or the youngest one had to take care of these rudimentary works. They might had won the battle of choosing-what-they-want but thanks to this remote control thing the game has changed completely over the years. Ability to make facial expression and "noise" wins the battle( all are good at that ) .

How can one forget the jumbo disk antenna and different angles one had to select to choose channel. I had some experience in boarding school about this , thanks to our curiosity and "in-depth" knowledge of our system experts( seniors ) about the same. I used to remember the angle for star-sports and set-max ( sports specialist) . One interesting memoir....we had made cloth-hanger work as antenna to watch 98'FIFA world cup semis at mid night ( we had to sleep at 10PM by order ) . That antenna didn't work during finals so we didn't get chance to see France striking glory in finals.

No doubt remote-control to watch Tv has given special ability and now people are even recording TV programs with use of mobile phone. But fight over authority over remote control is adding new dimension to already memorable times with idiot-box. I hope someday everyone will have one personal TV following PHP ( Pigeon Hole Principle ) but will the pigeons will be happy then? it is another story.

Pav-bhaji : attacked!!

It happened when human civilization was too busy to notice this. May be they were too busy thinking about space program or were busy making/creating/solving problems for themselves too keep their otherwise vacant life filled with some nuisance they said " work ".

Coming back to the incident three members of a particular species ( oops!! they were humans ) tried to intrude into " belongings" of their fellow human . What followed was complete mayhem . Many explanations were sought and past references were provided to justify this attack . The fellow human tried to control the situation with all possible ability. Alas! inevitable had to occur . This was evident from the nature of the attack .

The intruders claimed they deserved to " eat " that thing for which they had made the attack. ( Definition of "eat" : part of the process to extract energy from external substance ) . Why they made this attack? .....isn't this obvious? what powerful creatures want?...ans is simple..." more power ". This instinct led to the occurrence of this event which changed the course of human thinking ...how far humans can get when it comes to get more power.

A case study made into this resulted into shocking findings . The substance under consideration was called " pav-bhaji" This was famous substance made form other substances as ingredients for the purpose of getting energy . Don't know why the then humans used to do this when there were so many sources of energy from energy might had been extracted . yes they called this process " cooking " as if this was technologically smart thing .

Everything can be justified in simple line . Humans used to do many things to amuse themselves. " humanity is over-rated " .....this thory is again vindicated with the mentioned event.

ice did melt

pic: Many times ice melts if it doesn't crack .



It happened once again ,
inevitable got better of me,
Begging and crying was of no avail,
When world fell apart in front.

Heard words which never thought ,
Made me wonder what's going on?
I realised sometimes one can only look to self,
One should save oneself for that.

Remorsing the past action ,
wish to live some moments again,
Hoping against the hope,
The pain increased every second.

The unforgiven soul got what it deserved ,
now that can only have arguments with self,
When i was levelled selfish ,
Then all i meant to show someone's importance!

Everything failed to produce miracle ,
the wish remained only to be buried in heart,
some wishes will always remain wishes ,
not to forget some moments were all but dream.

losing the emotion sink ,
the pain is accumulated ,
Sacrificing i thought is best thing ,
Now i know stupidly has a price

when ice-man did melt completely ,
when i got cursed for transparency ,
When the helplessness was mocked,
when i knew....

" there is difference between knowing the path and walking on it "

This walking is more than pain,
This walking is beyond control,
can't ask anyone for help ,
after all this is my mess.

Will always ask for the answer,
why it happened with me?
why it happened with me?
Many questions remain unanswered

p.s: never knew i'll write with so much pain in heart, that too at my blog.

WORK : it's like this

With reference to CDC ( centre for disease control ) notification regarding the spread of virus Weekly-Overload-Recreational Killer (WORK) here is some elaboration of the same .As pointed out in the official document the mentioned virus may come un-noticed or at times with prior notice. Those are real fools who fall in trap of the virus ( with notice or without ) . Some easy-to-do precaution may easily keep this virus away as all it needs is simple-common-proper-sense . For those who are still confused some suggestions are ....

1: stay away from boss's sight at critical scenario ( comes with experience ) .( definition of Critical scenario is beyond the scope of this document )

2: Show as if you are already down with the virus affect .

3: "Sick" leave will work when peers are already facing the wrath of WORK .

4: Always remember this " fortune favors brave " .

If one is not sure when one has come under influence of this virus here are some symptoms.

1: Late stay at the place of occurrence err office ( regularly )

2: Mind thinks only about virus , 24/7 i-think-of-you types .

3: Joyful opportunity keep every-time simple (JOKES ) scenario becomes complex every-time .

4: facial muscle become no-reaction-muscles and don't comply with smile and laugh requirement of the same . .

What about cure?

Prevention is best defense in this case . But still if one is down with the syndrome regular dozes of Work isolating neutralizer extract ( WINE ) and Bothersome employer Elimination Rebooter ( BEERS ) under guidance of DOC ( dangerous obsessed culprits ) can minimize the effect if not remove the same . If virus is not sufficient GF and many times someone called “wife” optimize the affect of this disaster when one is not available for religious activity of " shopping " and " movies " on time . If not cured person starts living happily under influence of the virus accepting it as gift of god forgetting god has created many other things but WORK is man-made .

Choice is ours whether to stay away from this virus or make bad impression for future generations to come ; they will just say " how crude our forefathers/foremothers were ". Isn't this simple and clear?

NO means what?

It seems i have become regular at my blog after some gap. i don't know how long i shall be regular but for now i have so many thoughts in my mind and some of them are spilling on this space .

This blog entry is about the scenario when we say something but mean something else . At times we are at receiving end of the scenario when one has to decode what is said . This may be in the form of some situational jokes when only few can understand what is said .It's so easy to fall on wrong side of the complete scenario which leads to mis-communication .

Starting with the much used word " NO " , responsible for confusion , sometimes light and something demanding . How many times we say "no" when we actually mean yes . This may be to hide something Or it can be just to gain more attention or for that matter this may be just a way of extending the actual ans which is yes. who hasn't enjoyed getting pampered on saying no no no during childhood . It was always difficult to say no to the lines " beta ye kha lo " , " school ka time ho gaya jago " , " it's time to sleep " , " it's not the time to watch TV " , " drink this glass of milk ". Nothing can equate the joy of eating after saying no to eating invitation at home. This is just because we feel important . Not to forget many times one actually means NO when one says it . One should not try to make this no as yes , this can only complicate the matters .Another tricky situation arises when one is at receiving end i.e : we have to explore what actually is said . If it is said no and the meaning is "yes" one has to be really fast to act and get situation under control .I almost always interpret that the said no actually means yes and end up making awkward situation for myself . It seems i should make myself more comfortable with the word no to be able to handle it meaningfully .

Before closing , indirect way of saying is an art so is understanding what is actually said . Everyone is learnng to be better at this art. This is always good till it leads to confusion .

House-Maid : A work in porgress

After long random search and with the help of a-lot of contacts in use we found maid for our apartment(4 people live there ) .The found ( rare-species) has agreed to do the "charity work" ( cooking ) at our apartment given the scenario she likes the provided ambiance and if she gets time to do that ( she works as if she is doing real charity ) . Finding roti-kapda-makan is really tiresome work . No wonder people kill whole of their life doing this monotonous and predictable/uncertain activity . This is Clearly a conspiracy by unknown superpower who wants to make the mortals ignorant about their existence by keeping them busy.

Reverting back to the topic , finding a maid was never an issue in my home-sweet-home as mom says housework is overrated . Everything related with housework seems so streamlined and natural for her . Take this : Haw she is able to make really round roti of same geometry? makes me wonder. No wonder they say ...cooking is art . In short mom can't allow anyone in her domain of which she is expert .she is more of a coach these days making bhabhi and sis do the " small " work of following the instructions .

Getting work done by maid aka bai is really tough work in itself. Listening to her demands and arranging the logistics before she does the actual execution is demanding work. She really needs everything to be perfect and all things available according to her needs . Not at all easy to persuade her to work according to our needs ex: making her know how much and of what taste one eats is difficult If she thinks one should eat it and she will cook that . It can be said she is pre-configured with all the rare attributes all maids have which they unleash one by one . On 3rd day itself she went on "privileged" leave due to unavoidable circumstances arising out of her pre-occupations .My heart sinks on seeing the way she wastes LPG , all due to the fact that arranging LPG is not child's work for sure . Slowly and steadily she is showing her real House-maid avatar and arranging the circumstances to make her work comfortably seem so huge . What options one has when it comes to doing things for "food " .

Time to repeat the formidable line " one can love or hate maids , ignore them at your own peril " .In my present condition i will say with confidence , " Housework is not over-rated ".Maids know this exploit this to their advantage . It's only on seeing expert we realize it's so easy .....but experts can't be everywhere that's why GOD created "bai's" and armoured them with n number of demands that they create.



p.s : This blog entry is dedicated to dear-mom who is really an expert in cooking and it's really fun to ask mom to help me with her recipes on phone.

Back to where i was

Time and again we fear something and just hope not to be in that sitation . The situation may be real or just state of mind. It's so difficult to smile just because others want to see your happy face . Today i was pointed by 3 of my coleagues , " why i am moving with dull face?" . I tried to hide the reason with false smile ( i am very bad at giving false smile ) . Thanks to them for at least pointing this .I Wanted to share my feelings that why i'm feeling realy sad? but couldn't .

Currently i'm in the state of mind when everything seems useless .Not long ago all seemed fine and it seemed i can handle all circumstances . It is really bad to hear bad words from person who cares for you . Yesterday this was the case when someone really special said something .Though what was mentioned was true but we always want someone to be on our side. Here i would like to mention the jingle....

" Everyday i want to fly , stay by my side "
" Everyday i want to dream , stay by my side "


However strange this may seem , we want someone to be on our side and wish them not to go against us in worst of scenarios . But some circumstances make it happen when we are left alone to face it all from everyone . Now i have been forced to revert back to analyze my situation . feeling bad at my condition , i know no one can help me with this. I can only hope to live with this pain . Till now i always said to myself all will be fine .
All things are in disarray , all seems devastated . Time is to look for repair work which is nowhere in sight. Don't know if the repair is possible .Don't know what process to follow to help myself . I have lost place to channelize my emotions , good and bad . I am involving myself in things i did to make myself busy , i know this is futile effort as it is turning out to be .

Even my best effort is not helping me . May be with time things may take better shape . As usual we can only wait for better tomorrow but somethings will always keep on haunting . For now I've to live in prison of my own creation . responsibilty accepted for fault will never console me , Don't know i am moving to where.......i can say Back to where i was most of the time in past where loneliness gives me company.

Love in The air

These days anyone can say love is in the air. Valentine's day is around the corner , presence of the same has been magnified by flooded topics on this topic on internet. So this is time to say it again to our loved one's and celebrate it with infinite love . This blog entry is dedicated to miss-special ( not undermining my love for others who make my life b'ful everyday by being part of it ).

This blog entry is much awaited by me and as the topic is very " difficult " words are not helping me as usual. I will use my ready made line here , " this day is all about saying it once more to our loved one's what they mean to us " . Now concentrating on miss-special somethings about her i want to share.....

1: Can get angry on anything, that too 24/7 : Every time she gets angry i'm found unprepared for the same . with no "disaster" management in place she laughs at my NO-preparedness.

2: Angry to romantic in no time : I just wonder how easily she does that , i am not complaining for this , at that time i can relax thinking " aal-eez-well "

3: She seems more organized than me : She thinks i am worst organized which i'm not . I know everything is "relative" is this universe.

4: Fashion crazy : No wonder here , all gals are of predictable when it comes to fashion ( all will agree )

5: She hates numbers and i love them : This is 5th is the list ...better i should stop :)


Keeping it short i can say my love has motivated me to be better person every day . I have known what it means to be made feel special . Hey!! not to forget infinite number of fights , leg pulling , sleepless nights we had and keep on having everyday ( pyar-ke-side-effects ) .

Before closing i would like to say happy Valentine's day to everyone in general and miss-special in particular .

when " what-happened "

This has been a long time since i troubled my blogspot account to make any blog entry. Even if the motivation was there to do so but sometimes not easy access to infrastructure and many times my-lazy-self did help me not to do the same . Last year during this time i was addicted to blogging and i did learn many things by reading others. Many times i wondered how diverse the blog world is with so many special people writing special things. here comes my blog entry after long delay....

Without wasting any more space-time here is what i have in my mind right now as i am trying to give words to my thoughts. This is about strange feeling of not believing in what is happening around us ( in +ve sense ) . We correlate this feeling with some dream . Eyes fail to perceive the reality of the scenario. Ears accept everything in moments of submission.However, in this anarchy exists beauty of the moment. Thoughts come galore to save the moment in most raw form and make it part of in erasable crystal clear memory.

In last 10 days i had many such moments which came after long wait. I can say those moments are easily part of sweetest memories my brain cells have/will-have. Not that every thing went as thought while waiting for the moment. Things just take their way just like flowing water. One can feel that emotions can't be guided according to the plan. At the same time regrets are not associated with whatever happens because it happens spontaneously . The helplessness hardly brings bad feeling about one's self-ability. Falling is not equated with failure in this case . Those who have experience will call, " this happens" , those who go through such moments actually know , " this happens " .

Nothing remains in this world static with ever changing space/time , but we can always savor the sweetness of sweet moments and with time some moments become more sweet when we understand actually what happened .

p.s : what happened has not been disclosed for obvious reasons :)