Friday, January 28, 2011

Change : The observation

How diffcult it gets to share emotions. Its not easy to climb those walls time and again. How often we think twice before calling someone? The questions are obvious,what will i talk? do i have reason to call? Do i have reason to send SMS? How things take twists and turns? Once unseen barriers become rift and that keeps on widening? Is looking towards different path can solve the problem? It's easy to make speculation? why-someone-did-this-to-me scenario? How often talking to self only increases the pain? How helpless one can get when there is no fight between me and myself , not long ago this fight inside me was sweet and cute( for quite sometime they are sadly in unison ).

In past scenarios this situation was the case when i used to open some random page from my notebook and used to write randomly, bringing my thoughts on paper. I still remember that embarrassing situation when my friend had opened one of those pages and started reading that( class 11 days to be precise ) . I had to literally snatch the notebook vehemently to save my thoughts from being read. That reaction of mine was rude and uncharacteristic of me for sure. I didn't know then many more such pages are to be written . As i write this blog entry i surprisingly know i don't possess any of those pages at this moment. Pages which contained my emotions in black and white. most of the times they were new resolutions , i-shall-do-this-do-that type to motivate self. Others meant to criticize self for wrong actions. When even 1 hour was scrutinized and analyzed. Number of sleeping hours were counted and curtailed. Alarm clock was effectively used time and again . Waking up early in morning was regular phenomena .Spending even 1 rupee had to be justified .Eating outside was part of rarest of rare occasion . Dream was about unknown future. Sometimes doing everything to capacity can't keep away some difficult moments away.Mountain of expectations were ahead of me. i knew , "good is not good when excellent is expected" .

As i'm writing these otherwise meaningless words and throat is too chocked to speak any words; I find only one change in me over the years. Then,i didn't want anyone to listen my sad words. Words which haunt me and defeat me in war inside me everytime. Now, somehow its getting frustratingly difficult to hold words inside me. I just wish this phenomena is temporary one. But agonies are so difficult to handle, only because we don't know about length of that. The quest goes on, in search of the soul who will listen to "i-me-and-myself" at the same time . Waiting for the days when the fight, "me v/s myself" ,is resumed.I just hope that sweet fight is resumed ASAP : as soon as possible....the wait is on

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Happy B'day to worker-Dear

Few words can't make the whole story ,
But the quest goes on and on .
What if the person says i couldn't got your single word?
Answer again goes on.

The quest is to spread smile ,
To appreciate what i observe ,
To say words unsaid ,
To learn from some good points ,
And make evolving changes in mine.

They say, we don't know people by chance
There is big conspiracy
For me those are opportunities to gain from others.

Oops! my non-poetic self is laughing ,
Words are not rhyming ,
Thought process going haywire,
Damn!! i made it confusing again.

It's time to revert back to simplicity
Simply said is best said
Some words i tried to write on your b'day ,
To wish and send happiness in this way .

It's time to add to this days wish list for you,
May that smile be always there from where it belongs ,
May your all wishes come true ,
Happiness is always replicated around you.

p.s : Happy B'day to worker-dear. Its no wonder that i did end up calling someone worker-dear; after all , "slave" and "mazdoor" was favourite word made favourite by me in our friend circle. Some sweet additions keep happening to already sweet things . That is what the quest is all about.

p.p.s : Coffee at "my_desk_away_from_my_desk" has got into some sweet memories i shall carry forward.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

winter saga: travelled

With mercury reaching new lows in different parts of the country oops!! different parts of the world ( Europe-russia-US will agree ) everyone has at least one question to ask to everyone " kitni thand hai yaar!!" ( cold-cold-cold ). This question works at local as wel as global level...err again...australians will disagree this time. One getting cough and cold only adds to already hot topic of discussion . How memory lanes will spare me in this thought process. Here it goes...

I can't forget going to play at 5am when morning light was still sometime away and fog used to delay the start of play by quite sometime.What made things interesting was all of us knew the delay will be there. But with game in mind it was difficult to sleep a la Swami and friends by R.K narayan. Waking up lazy souls was interesting and lecturing them on importance of the sunday game was fun at best.

If sunday wee hours were beautiful ,all dusks were magnificent.Daylignt used to fade up at astronomical rate and one had to hurry from school to home to get going with the game. Sun god seemed in great hurry to wrap up days activities. Above mentioned phenomena led to fight against time. No one could resist the urge to play new match with reduced overs and reduced boundries. No wonder fading light left us with innumerable games which didn't get complete. Every evening Mom's gentle reminder used to turn into warning for not wearing sweater while playing , this used to conclude with routine "scolding" session .With mornings and evenings getting the mention its time not to forget days when sun god used to get leave i.e chilly nights were after effects of chilly days. I can't forget to mention here Sattu-parantha-baigan-bharta on demand dinner. This was regular demand from me to mom and was generously completed without fail.

With change in location ( i'm in pune now ) change in sun gods routine is not so obvious. Now Waking up at 5 seems like crime .Enjoying warm winter sun-light seems rare activity .Now saturday mornings are reserved for till-10am-sleeping. Change in taste of winter vegetables are not noticeable any more. Before closing....i have words flowing in my mind......even if we can't live some moments again we can always smile thinking about them. This gives motivation to live new moments which in due course of time will get into sweet moments list.

p.s : happy new year if anyone is reading this blog entry :)