tagged : 10 more things about me

I had done one similar tag called "25 things about me" , but then i was not tagged by anyone . Recently when fms did tag me , i was tempted to do this tag for fms.
here goes 10 things about me.....in slightly different mode..

1: I am addicted to google search . My friends call me google addict . From really stupid questions to some so specific questions google has helped me everywhere. Specially linux users can't live without google search , i am one of them.

2: When i am alone , i just don't want to eat , specially when i am travelling / in the market. I end up starving my-self while travelling.

3: I did never get chance to hear english music before my college days . Things really change , once a non-listener to any music ( 4 years back ) has turned ( now ) into music freak. For records , there are 15000 songs on my computer of which 9000 are english songs. Beatles , stones , rihanna, metallica, shakira , pink floyd , eminen , madonna , nelly furtado , brian adams , Led Zepplin , the corrs , celine dion ,linkin park ,westlife ,alizee, vengaboys etc are just another names to me these days.

4: once i had wished to share heavily on college LAn. I shared 260 Gb recently for 2 months. This once meant huge fortune for me. I am owner of 500gb external hard disk .

5: romantic date : raining heavily , me and 'her' walking on deserted road slowly with hand in hand. ( Oops!!.....this got public...my friends knew this ). I will make sure only one 'her' will get this date with me.

6: I did learn many things from movies ( english ). Like listening english song this also had started 4 years back. before that i had only watched 4-5 english movies. even now i am not big movie watcher, but still manage to watch decent number of movies , at least 2-3 in one week.

7: When i was kid i took immense pleasure in hitting street dogs with stones. My wish then was to hunt birds with guns...never got gun hence no bird got killed by me . Again things really change , now i think twice before killing even mosquitos sucking my blood. :P

8: As kid , i loved planting flowers . I was successful owner of small backyard garden comprising some flowers and vegetable plants. sunflower was my favourite as it seemed magical to me ; Sunflowers change direction with changing location of sun . ( i checked their direction at night time ... how they behaved when no sun was around )

9: It was dream come true when for the first time i was sitting alone with "my" computer ( 15th january 2007 ). Buying own computer was really huge thing for me. I knew i had found my best friend i.e my computer. Looking back ....i have spent some memorable times with my computer. Saga continues....

10: I feel low when i see privileged people around me ( who get things done easily ) . here is one line which helps in the times when i feel less privileged ........"at the end of the day it doesn't matter how much one has got from life , what matters is how much one is able to give back to life " .

before closing , i tag everyone who want to share interesting things about them.

p.s : Blogger friends, plz don't forget me , i won't be regular on blog world in days to come. Me missing blog world like hell . I know many times life has to go like this , we have to live with so many constraints associated with us. My constraints are bugging me heavily :(

looking........... back /forward

definition
virtual world = gtalk 'new' additions / dc++ friends from college / blogger friends /internet forum's friends

My blogging days as engineering college student has ended ( leaving college hostel tomorrow ) . Will be on blogger as 100% engineer . Will try to add something else to my real-life profile of mine in future ( mba ..etc ) .

Experience with virtual world has been nice. At times this bugged me , but most of the times it felt like heaven . Precisely, i experienced the virtual world for two and half year. Before internet meant maintaining contact with real-life friends / browsing / searching .

This post is about , how virtual world took something out of me. No hard feeling against the ' culprits '.

Initially it was addiction to this world which was bugging me . Now the contents of this world are bugging me. I thought every thing is roasy about the virtual world. But forgot the real life people are on virtual world. They come with predefined inconsistencies and imperfection.
Many times we assume things about the persons on virtual world. We make some too big and someone too small .

So how was i bugged? i won't explain . Here are some things which can be said , maintaining suspense factor associated with each . What i felt are as under.....

# ignored at times : this might had happened unintentionally /intentionally . But do we expect everyone to notice one in this world. naah!! . Being ignored is the reality bite. I was prepared for this still got bugged.....sometimes preparedness also doesn't help.

# cheated : not big cheating did occur , mild cheat :P . Will make the person who did this to read this blog entry. The person has to face mild anger from my side for doing that thing to me. This came some short of shocker to me. . actually i was unprepared for this thing from that 'creature'. I was taken off-guard when this cheating thing did occur . Even now my heart is with her but brain is not supporting the same .

# i am giving too much of information about myself : Others might have felt , this , and they successfully knew everything about me without telling anything about them. I did not respect my privacy , i think i should had....( here , me is angry with myself )

# Felt i knew nothing about the person : real shocker, how can it be? The person was so depressed , and i got no wind about the same. Felt like culprit when she disclosed in which state she was the other night.


# pampered others : with my stupid talk . Yes when i felt so , really bad i felt . it was like cheapness personified. Expect less from others , at times i did expect too much .

# rejected : One demand of mine was rejected . This demand was something close to heart . I felt like animal on knowing this. Am i so bad? , no is the answer, but i know everyone will not understand this thing in this world . preoccupied ides....culprit here.

Nevertheless , i am still addicted to this world. I have more reasons to love this world then to hate. I just wish that day never comes , when i hate virtual world . This world has given me more then i did expect .

Again , no hard feeling against the ' creatures ' due to whom above mentioned point did originate ( me included in the list of creatures ). I am lucky, i got chance to know you people . I will continue in virtual world , but with caution , after above mentioned things which i have felt/experienced.

But i won't be over cautious , for sure :P

p.s : this blog entry is dedicated to sweetest "jasoos" i will ever know . That creature is responsible for "rejected " point mentioned above.

Award time : This is for Kajal!! . Smile kajal... smile ....always....

mango afternoon

My room still smells like mango ( Mangifera indica ). Even i ate that 2-3 hour before (we 3 friends on 2 mango ). This was seasons first mango for me . The mango was on the sweet/sour side. But still first experience of this years mango was special. Immediate thought came to write one blog on my favourite fruit .so here it goes...

The background is simple , i am big fan of mango. So many stories from my childhood days are related with me addicted to mango. At the age of 7 , i was caught eating mango at 2:30 am , that too chori-chori. Every year this story is narrated by daddy as if this happened only yesterday. This is one of the stories which makes daddy laugh loudly even now. I just enjoy watching him laugh , and act as if i was caught eating mango now. I won't explain actually what had happened , so funny incident that was.

i can't forget eating kaccha-mango from different mango trees in our locality we lived. Mostly this was done chori-chori . I was supporting actor in this crime. who was main actor ? answer is dear bhaiya!! . He had to face all the wrath in case we were caught stealing mango from mango tree. Most of the time i got away as i was considered "seeda-saada-baccha".

I eat all mangos with equal enthusiasm , specially the one's which are neglected by general masses. Some varieties , Maldah ,Dashahari , Up-langda , biju , sippiya , chausa , totapuri , to name a few , i like so much . Even the names of mangoes is so interesting . Mostly based on their source where they are found. I am yet to try the best export varieties from India to the world . This export is keeping us deprived of the best we produce , but we get much required foreign currency in return. money matters...

With so many specialities attached with mango , this is rightly said king of fruits . Everyone who has tried mango must have stories associated with the same. I am quite regular with health drinks based on mangos, ( they are easy to get ). But the experience of eating actual mango can not be matched by them . May my love for mango remains at this level in future ( has decreassed over the years ).

P.S : this blog entry is dedicated to dear daddy . He was responsible for introducing me to the world of mangos. From him only i knew how to eat mango? . His order to clean mango before eating is still an order i follow. I ask what is the name of the variety of mango from the salesman , this habit came from dad.

copying.....what it means?

Ever since i came to blog world this thing i have seen at many places , "Please don't copy". Similar words have been used in real life like music piracy, software piracy , plagiarism , etc . Confusing situation it is. At times hard to understand , where the line is , beyond which one should not go? Who are the actual copycats? Who are inspired one's ? What inspiration means? Too much

I shall try to touch some points on this topic which i have understood from different sourcs in last 3 years on this topic. Thanks to richard stallman , from him only almost all has come.

Let's start from some basic scenario , like , how many times we ask neighbors to help us , in india i am sure we ask for weird helps. No need to explain :P .If they say , sorry! whatever belongs to us is ours , not for you. What circumstances are to follow after this. Another example : many times we ask our friends to give us books , music CDs, movies CDs etc etc. Can this be called piracy ? if yes, then we should help our frinds and feel free to be accused of piracy.

Now some different examples. All of us use Newtons principle , E=mc^2 is used by us as if we were born to use this . Is this copying? Do we pay some royalities to newtons and Einsteins! for using their ideas? No , i think is the answer. Do theorems develpoed by mathematicians has any copyright associated. Just imagine if these great minds had kept their inventions/discoveries private or just barred others from using their ideas.

In modern world when we talk about piracy of softwares , i happily know many people are working day and night to provide many softwares for free and we can see the source code also . I am using 'linux' as operating system on my computer which is from open source and is free . All softwares installed on my computer are from open source , surely developed by great minds , without any selfishness. So share and let share is the motto to be followed by humanity.We should help others, knowing our work can help for devlopment of others.

But the question remains here , is anyone allowed to take credit for others work? .Big NO is the answer , the credit should always go to the person who deserves. We should use their work to improve ourselves , and should keep away from saying 'this is my work'. War between 'closed knowledge' v/s 'open knowledge is very much on. I wish , the open-source of knowlege is the winner.

p.s : not defending any copycats , but just my position on this topic

To dear mommy.....

with all respect, dear mommy!!,

This is a mother's day (10th may ) and and time to realize how lucky i am to be your son. Here are some confessions ..err..some realizations which i can think at this point of time. List is long.....some are here

1: I never woke up when you asked me at home to wake up early . I am out of home for so long , i always woke up thinking you will get angry if i am late.I know you will never accept this 'theory' of mine.

2: I don't sit near the gate in moving train , and i don't walk on railway platform without any purpose. When you are around i have always asked you to allow me doing these things.

3: I have learned bargaining from you. In front of you i always showed , i just don't like bargaining in shops.

4: I always think about expenditure while spending on anything. This art came from you.

5: You have always plan B ready . Me try to copy you in many circumstances thinking about what your plan B must had been.

6: You are ready to go at any extent if you are correct. I haven't been able to do this , but trying...

7: I remember how bad you felt when i failed in some exams, still you did hide those feeling just to keep me motivated .

8: I made you angry at times just to seek your attention.So many ready-made 'methods' i had to make you angry.

9: When i was kid i was happy to get sick!. After all you were there round the clock when i got ill.

10: I knew i made bad tea , still you did enjoy that as if that tea was best tea made ever.

many , many , many things are there but you know , you have so many good things attached , which i will never know.

Happy mothers' day to all mothers in this world.Saluting the motherhood.

with all love, son
neeraj

feeling lonely......

In earlier cases this might had been my diary entry....me talking to myself. Don't know why i am writing this on blog. Readers can avoid this as this is boring face of mine.

So, here i am the state of mind which i dislike...feeling lonely. This is due to some decisions i have to make soon. With college ending ( 10 days ) , i am again seeing element of void in near future. Time to get out of comfort zone . Very apprehensive i am , what is there for me in future ?. Some career decisions are to be taken by me and me alone . Very lonely......mood swing since yesterday evening.

While i am writing this , "Savage garden : when you feel all alone ", is playing on my comp. i am really touched by the lines....

"When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore"

I feel really bad when i have to wait alone at railway platform. I hate walking alone . Talking to self is painful at times . The questions ,"what i have done till now? " , really tests my control on myself.

I have always been some sort of loner , introvert , and whatever words can be used for this situation. I can't explain why this is the case with me . May be in quest of becoming good-boy i got so serious and hence loner . In 3-4 years situation has changed slightly , but still i have remained where i was. But can't take anymore, just hate feeling lonely. It's like enough is enough.


I just hope , everything goes fine. Bad thing, i can't ask 'god' to help me. Side effects of being non-believer.

Sharing my fav. lines.....anyone needs!!

Today i am in mood to share lines which are my favourite. These have become my favourite in past few years (3-4 years) . Only 10 are presented here to keep this entry short and simple.

here they go...

1. Somethings will never change , but thankfully many things do change : from my favourite movie the matrix. This is most frequently used dialogue used by me. Just love to speak this in almost all circumstances.

2. Catch your dreams before they slip away : from song 'ruby tuesday' by stones. Dreams won't stay forever to be caught. Time matters i.e what we achieve and when.

3.There is difference between knowing the path and walking on it : again from movie 'the matrix' . How many times we just think to do something and when we go for actual implementation , we realize, it was so tough!!.

4. Madness is like gravity all it needs is little push : movie 'the dark knight' . Anyone can act weird , even best behaved persons need just little push to turn into demon.

5.We are captives of our own identity living in prison of our own creation. from tv series 'prison break'. I had written one blog entry on this . No wonder this is one of my favourite lines.

6.Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss: novel 'inheritance of loss' by kiran desai . Achievement brings happiness , but the pain of failure can not be compared to happiness of success ...err..will never be comparable.

7.Winning is important but equally important is resilience to face defeat : don't remember from where it came but this is surely on of my favourites. It's all about accepting defeat and keeping oneself motivated to work for future success.

8.World is cruel and only morality is chance : again from the movie 'the dark knight' . Everything in this world is associated with how we react when we get chance.

9. Sometimes life has to go like this : chris gayle ( cricketer ). We should accept life in all forms , at times this can be painful.

10.Stay hungry , stay foolish : steve jobs , founder of 'apple computer Inc.'. If one wants to learn something best way is to be always open for knowledge. We should never be preoccupied with our own way of thinking.


before closing ........Why So seriousssss!!!...ala joker-style from dark knight. Giving funda of life is fun :P

p.s : I thought about this post after reading aditi's blog . She had shared some quotations in one of her posts. So this post is dedicated to aditi .

arguments and counter arguments

How many times we just disagree the person in front of us?. We are obsessed with our own theories. We just think what we think is best in this universe. Others will believe in different school of thoughts . If they ignore what others are saying , well and good ; if not , what results is argument and counter arguments. Welcome to world of proving oneself!.

Humanity has thrived and developed so much based on understanding they developed in past for future decisions . Misunderstanding and conflict of principles led to huge wars , which did shame the creator of this universe . Even creator had to think, "if we are his/her creation". This conflict of ideas occurs at different levels.

At individual level..some possible divisions can be

1. Me v/s myself : when two inner-selves fight with each other . One will force us to do wrong thing other will try to save us from doing anything wrong. Which is write/wrong , which wins is dependent on circumstances. Sometimes there are justification, many times we just do something. This is very tricky situation when we try to justify ourselves against ourselves.

2. In friend circle : This is most fruitful scenario. Friends can't harm each other . So what results from the argument and counter arguments is so beautiful that one can be proud of being part of discussion. One can learn many things from this discussion. I am obliged to so many of my friends for teaching me many good things. This learning process is only taking beautiful dimensions these days

3: Consists of ego clashes : When one can go at any extent to prove one's point. These are the scenario , when virtues of being human are tested. What is right and wrong takes a back seat and egos and superiority complex gains front seat. What results from this argument and counter argument is friends becoming enemies . Real shameful situation this is. How we can let the situation to get to such dirty proportions. Stupidity helps us in reaching there .


India was so developed in past only due to the fact that we used to discuss a-lot about different thinking. We are so diverse because we have great tolerance. Same can be implemented at individual level .We should share our way of thinking and modification according to surrounding is the keyword/mantra.

p.s : this is dedicated to all my friends here in BIT with whom i did participate in many debates every Friday/Saturday nights for 2 years. I did learn many things from there.

p.p.s : this post also dedicated to msr and ashrita . with msr i had some debate yesterday on one of her blog entry (hey! msr , i'm looking for more debates with you). With ashrita, had exchanges today on my thinking towards "thank-you-theory".

State of denial

image : best example of state-of-denial. Anyone disagrees!!?


This was topic of the cartoon me tried to draw when pakistan denied the terrorists , who were part of mumbai attack , were not pakistani citizens . We said they are in state of 'denial' . This post is all about state-of-denials we create in our real life.

How many times we just ignore things?.... to be happy!. Countless number , nahi kya?. Example, when good days are about to get over we easily get into that state saying , still many things left. We try to capture things from past for future 'use'..another way of denying truth...memories we start calling that. No wonder in all the parties many of us get busy with clicking-pics-work and stop enjoying the actual party . Situation of loosing contact with friends is scary , denial here is supported by orkuts-and-facebooks . We just think we are in contact with our near and dear one's . But are we actually in contact?.....Debatable topic....many will say that contact is virtual ....many will say naah!... real hai. We enjoy the happiness of denial , that can be called paradise of denial.

So many 'denials' already used till now. We should not accept truth and start cursing life. Accepting the situation and a move on from the situation does help . Denying the situation is actual helplessness.

I remember india government showed some denial , saying , "recession what recession!!?" . Denial can be part of very good diplomacy but accepting the truth and facing the reality is actual bravery. Bravery deserves a testing scenario.

p.s : This post is dedicated to the 'person' who kept me on chat till 3:30am ( today ). Me in state-of-denial , unable to accept that i won't be able to 'kill' early morning time in near future with her :(

p.p.s : today my UPSC admid card came . Till now , me was denying the fact that " i'm sitting for civil-service-exam". Now, with admit card on table....heart beating faster. Another denial coming to an end.