Sometimes.....

When things seem out of control,
when mind plays its own role,
i search someone to be on my side,
Always i wish to control myself.

This dream is about knowing myself,
This hope about me and myself,
Why 'myself' has to be 'right'?
why 'me' always has to give a 'fight'?


Questions leading me nowhere,
may be there are just questions,
answers are there but hidden,
may be i don't want to know answers.

I have my own way of acting-reacting,
I know some seem correct some are non-trivial,
many times i have nothing to explain,
i call this "sometimes life-has-to-go-like-this".

May be i expect too much every time,
but there is hope next time,
forgetting can be bad at times,
alas! i hear those whispers every time.

Time has come take new resolution,
Expect nothing to remain in fools paradise,
There are windows showing real-world,
I call this reality-always-bites.


Some stories will always remain incomplete,
Some thoughts will always make me feel light,
I search someone to be on my side,
that someone will hold me tight.

sometimes i feel this way......


p.s : Sometimes i feel this way and that way is right now...feeling lonely

one year : me blogging....

One year ago it all started ; yes it was 25th October 2008 , i had created my blog called "just another blog". One year down the line, i can say the experience has been more then "just another experience" .

Delayed congrats( today is 27th October ) to me and my blog , our association now is one year old.It was great learning experience , i moved from "beginner" to "addicted to blogging " to less frequent on blog world ( clearly now i am lees frequent at this place ) . From blogging i did learn many things in last one year , i found a place where i can express-celebrate-socialize-read-learn etc etc.Looking for what changed , now i can combine my thoughts with my words in a better way. I got chance to know many good-better-best persons. Many times i just forgot that this is virtual world , sometimes it occurred to me.......noooo... this is virtual world!!! .

My blog became place to celebrate occasions. Yes, i was addicted to my blog. Reading others and sharing views on their piece of writing is special thing. Writing comment 2-3 times on same blog entry was fun+fun+fun. Following someone and waiting for others to read-comment is equally exciting . In the beginning i used to wait for comment on what i wrote , nevertheless it happened a few times , there was comment on my blog within minutes of posting my blog entry.sometimes my highly "unedited" entries were read......( kajal you reading this? )


Before closing : i would like to dedicate this blog entries to all followers of my blog . they made this learning experience a memorable experience.

p.s: I am busy these days with something called "training" in my company..... can't wait to get my first salary :)

bye folks

To sweet-sis

Worst enemies can be so close to each other; yes! me and my sister are seasoned arch rivals for each other. Even me staying away from home for 11years has hardly reduced the intensity of sweet-animosity between two of us. There is no sign of truce or waning of rivalry.Today( 5th aug) is rakhi-day and time to celebrate this with dear-sister. I am at home this time after 6years( after 2003 ). Here goes the post about my dearie-sis....


Hey sis,
hi!, time to celebrate the rakhi-day. I remember you tieing rakhi on my wrist since the days you didn't know how to tie any thread. Then you kept mom away from helping you while tieing rakhi. As i think about you , few things that come in mind about you are.....

# you are central database of the family.which thing is located/stored where is known to you only.

# your services are available for every member of the family 24/7. You are mom's right hand. With your help only she is such an autocratic authority.

# you are good cook which is not apparent when i criticize you no matter what you cook.

# when i have to leave home you start packing my bag one day in advance. This generates both good and bad emotions. I just hate packing before leaving home.

# As a kid i used to wonder why you hate game of cricket and can't play the same with me? It was sweet-retaliation throwing/hiding your dolls so that you have time to play with me. I remember your 'counter-attacks' were 'deadly'.

# your spirit of sharing , bows ^o^. Even single hajmolas ,alpenliebes, aam-pachaks, mango-bites were shared by you with me.your style of breaking/cracking them before sharing can-not be expressed in words :P

# i just love your style of tearing corner of the "samosa" from my plate. That style has not changed over the years.

# I treasure our pillow-fight. Yeah! I did end up at the receiving end most of the time. You are so good at that.

# you are my best critic. When others will think twice to say what is wrong with me.....i know you will point my mistakes. Great to have a critic in you always keeping an eye on me.

# you are so good at saving money , even better than mom. How to use money efficiently is in-born attribute of yours.

# you look upto me as if i have solution to all problems. I try to live upto your expectations......i shall always keep on trying.

List is unending, time to close. There is a saying, " keep your friends close , your enemies closer". Sis you are my 'sweetest-enemy', no wonder you are 'closest' to me. I'll always be there for you. Keep on smiling sisterji :-)

from Bhaiya
'jhunnu'

p.s : special mention here to sweetest-jasoos aka cutie-sis-gudiya .you are so niceee, lucky to have known you. I wont forget to mention aditi, sister from blog world....you are special. Happy-rakhi-day to both of you :-)

p.p.s : waiting for chamki to read this. Pressing 'publish-button' had become painful as i knew chamki is not there to read. Chamkiii.......aao jaldi

All the best , Mr. D

Time to say so many "all the bests" to friends. Everyone is joining their chosen companies these days. Most ( me too )are waiting for delayed joining dates....recession time :( . This post is dedicated to daeboo , tomorrow ( 13th july )he is joining his company .

Daeboo is one of the special talents i have seen in my life. When he works , he is real wizard. Check his blog : 'share and let share ' to get glimpse of the beautiful mind at work. I am glad , he was inspired by me to write a blog ( technical ).To take one instance : he tried to write 23 in 23 ways on his 23rd b'day.He did end up writing 23 in 19 ways :p....and stopped saying 'something is wrong with him '....lolz . I am big fan of him and words of appreciation for him come effortlessly in my mind .In front him I always feel like stupid , but i try to speak smart ;) . I have privilege to ask most stupid questions from him. For him nothing in this world is senseless. Even faintest of query from friends makes him real involved , compassion personified at best . Gowd! how well he controls his emotions can scare anyone . I look upto him to act always cool and composed , 24/7. We have had endless tech talks in college , mostly revolving around computers, technology, sharing , science , open-source , sci-fi movies , music , tv-series ,internet etc . He was official 'doctor' of my computer. Even now if any thing goes wrong with my computer , i have to send immediate SOS to him. We have spent so many hours searching for solution to interesting small problems . He never shows-off his knowledge , which i think is both good and bad . I hope in professional career he will show the talent to world . I am anxiously waiting for his success which i am sure will follow him.

I did learn from daeboo many things . Not to forget his sense of humor , he explains all real life situations with special style.
Our education system is so bad , no respect for talents. Daeboo had trying times while clearing stupid college papers which required only 'memory' and no brain. I just hope the industry will be able to use his talent.

Before closing : when most of us will say , " i am lucky to work for particular company" ; in case of daeboo i can happily say , "the company is lucky enough to have him as employee". If i know his bosses , i'll say to them , fire 100 employees , he is equivalent to at-least 100
brains working together. Again all the best...daeboo err MR. D

p.s : my talk with daeboo is always so technical , so i have tried to keep this 'all the best' non technical :p .

A wishful wish

Frodo : " i wish the ring had never come to me . I wish non of this had happened ......." .

Gandalf : " .......so do all who live to see such times , but that is not for them to decide . All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us " .

Source : the lord of the rings.

I was deeply touched by this line from the movie . I am in the state of frodo right now . I wish many things should had occured differently in my life . But gandalf's words are meaningful ; we can only decide about time we have right now .

I wish i had power to change things by going into past a la " the butterfly effect " . I know all paths have their own effects / side-effects . It's always late when past decisions are reviewed . The judges ( people ) are interested only with synopsis and present status of the situation , and decision making is fast in this case . The verdict they make , like always remains , " see , then only i had told this path is wrong " .

List of wishes are long and it is clearly an unsolvable problem if past is embedded in the wish . Being a techie , I must call this NP-complete problem .Right now i am trapped between future and present ; stagnant times i can say this. I just hope things straighten up and i follow my dreams soon .

Before closing another wish

"hey , do you want to see something ?"
Before mariam (15 years )could answer , Niloufar ( 8 years ) had put her palms and forehead to the ground . She pushed with her soles and then she was standing upside down , on her head , in three point stance .
" can you do that?" she said thickly .
" no ."
Niloufar dropped her legs and put her blouse back down . " i could teach you ," she said , pushing hair from her flushed brow .
( source : a thousand splendid suns )

As a kid i loved doing the upside down stance . I know this must be the case with all my friends ( hai na ? ) I want to enjoy that joy again , i know that is not a possibility unless i sit in "the time machine " :)

bye folks

Of a request , a thank you and the sorry

As the counter is saying , this is my 50th blog entry . So time to think what has been achieved till now , time to smile and and go for virtual party . Here it goes.....


A request
Yesterday i watched last episode of prison break season 4. The concluding episode had one touching song.....i got emotional when the song was playing in background with so many things coming to an end . I dedicate this song to all my friends . Here is lyrics of the song.....
Lay it down slow

if you got dreams in your heart
why don't you share them with me?
And if dreams don't come true
i'll make sure that your nightmares are through

if you got pain in your heart
why don't you share it with me?
And we'll just wait and see
if it's half what it used to be
and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

if you've got love in your heart
why don't you keep it with mine?
I can't promise a miracle
but i'll always be trying
and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me.

a thank you

time to thank you all for reading / following / commenting . I know i am not a good writer , motivation for writing blog came from words ," all of us are special , so is our writing style ". It felt nice to know so many good people on blog , which is not possible in real life ,at-least for me .thanks to blog world , I am glad i know kajal ( thepinkorchid ), kiran maam ( chammak challo ), ashrita ( satan's darling ). I know many addition to above list will be there in future. Thanks to two ' invisible' followers of my blog . You two are always there with your comments on gtalk .

the sorry

time to say unconditional sorry to friends who felt hurt due to me . Life is too short to live for self . But sometimes life has to go like this . No hard feeling against anyone .

Before closing : be the change you want to see in this world .
Bye world :)

Slavery rocks....agreed?

Strange may it seem , mentioned title is /was motto of our friend circle . This was coined by yours truely , and marketting ( yes , i call that this ) of same was also done by me . No points for guessing ,this was everyone's favourite ' word ' in our friend circle.

This quote ( slavery rocks! ) has been derived from one of my favourite lines , " we are prisoners of our own identity living in prison of own creation". Appropriate addition came as we try to do things according to rules of surrounding .The point is, we want to live in prison , if there are no constraints we create our own stupid ways of living life . The stupidity is personified by small/ big things we do .....doing things in particular way / doing things according to accepted rules Ex . Wearing cloths of particular brand , eating particular food at particular location /time , watching movies of our choice on particular days ( yes , we call that our favourite / part of routine) . This should not be confused with 'typecasting ' which was once defined on my blog . Others are responsible for our actions in that case .

As we are slaves of own self,by default we are slaves of the system . Here the keyword "rocks " comes into picture. We end up doing things which system expects from us with perfection . In our college it was making notes ,diagrams , graphs , assignment etc on time with all possible dedication . In real life it can be doing things without thinking i.e "is this what i am supposed to do? " ( this on serious note ). Some other acts things which requires slavery are income tax , electricity bills , fone bills , cable bills , newspaper bill ( omg! how many bills one has to foot to live on this planet). On top of that doing daily shopping requires real slaves ( even if we have one-stop super markets to make things easy ). Life is not easy , only best slaves can make a cut. We call this competition? ...don't know why .

Real tricky situation it is . Searching for balance is only option . One very good idea can be follow the best slaves , let them decide what is best and follow that algorithm blindly .error....error paradigm shift , yes! following someone is not slavery , one can always stop following one slave to follow the other , so freedom written everywhere . But nothing is better then being own follower ( slave ), but arn't other important thing are to be done in life? This question is as confusing as ever . Let the question remain 'unsolvable ' .
For now , slavery rocks for sure , but dream of feeling full freedom will always be there .

p.s : hey friends , how you are performing as your own slave . Plz share the same.

p.p.s : again random thoughts from memory lanes . I am afraid this makes any sense :)

To papa the great

Here i'm ready with my father's day blog entry . I have tried to write it like my mother's day blog entry but difference is quite obvious . Here it goes .......

Dear daddy ,
here are some points which are in my mind as i am thinking of you .
# whenever you saw me watching english news , reading english newspaper , your favourite question for me since std 2 has been " jhunnu (my nickname ), samajh me ata hai ye sab ? " ( can you understand these stuffs ) . Yes papa ! I can understand english and can talk in the same . I know it was your wish when you watched news-in-english , that your son will be able to understand whatever being said . Small dreams can be so big .

# papa , you are my first style icon . When i was kid you made style statement through your style of keeping key-ring , placing sun-glasses in shirt's pocket , taking 15 minutes to comb your hair , keeping top 2 shirt's button open and many more . Yes! , I found style icon in you.

# i have sweet memories associated with your love for music . Just can't forget you singing loudly and me sitting happily on your shoulder . Sad , u don't sing anymore :(
# i know when you are angry. You are real angry if english words are coming from your mouth . Mild anger if you are speaking pure hindi . All is fine if you are speaking in mixture i.e magahi , bhojpuri , maithili , surjapuri ( local lingo of different regions of bihar )

# walking with you in the local market is time taking work . Gowd ! You know so many people . 15 mintes walk easily takes more then 1 hour , you have to interact with many .
# I wonder , you never agree with my length of hair . I am always prepared to get words from you , " jhunnu!! , go and get hair cut ". Similar words come when i don't eat , wake-up , sleep etc on 'time ' . I miss these things when i am away from home .

# your phone call to me lasts less then 2 minutes ( 40 sec to 80 sec ). I love those calls even if i know what will be content of the conversation . Being predictive was never so nice .

# dad , you have always been superman for me . I believed you can do anything for me . I remember as kid i used to ask you ," why we don't have a car? ". I remember your answer , "because we don't need one" . We had one bicycle . Sitting on the bi-cycle with you 'driving' will always be dream ride for me .

# i don't remember when last time you got angry with me. I want to hear angry words from you meant for me . Never knew 'Being scolded ' will be part of my sweet memories.

# papa , you still think you should carry "bhari " ( heavy ) luggage , and i should carry "halka " ( light) while you and i travel together . Dad , now i can't see you doing this . But i know i won't be able to persuade you on this topic. I am so lucky to have you as my papa-the-great .

Papa , i love you equally everyday , just want to say again , i love you , on this day we call father's day.

son,
neeraj

crossing the line.......think

As i was thinking about the topic of this blog entry above mentioned title came into my mind. If i am not wrong "Crossing the line " was sports program aired on DD national ( 5-6 years back ) ( one movie also with same name ) . This blog entry is all about crossing the line , knowing where the line is , once crossed what processes are to be followed to make things straighten up. Bottom-line remains , one learns from mistakes .

I was going through the interview of steve bucknor ( well known cricket umpire ). The question being answered was

" you made many mistakes while umpiring , do you regret making those mistakes ? ".

The answer : " no i don't regret. if i regret making mistakes , i regret being human being ".

How many times we did hear the words " don't cross the line or you will have to face the consequences " . As a kid i always saw aussies saying some "words" ( i was told they operate from within the line ) . When indians started doing similar things , it was called , they crossed the line ( fully debatable topic this is ). so funda is very clear , we should try not to cross the limit ( reminder : all reactions require threshold energy ). Biggest problem is knowing the where the line is . If we know the problem then we can solve the problem. Another thing which generates interest is "everything is relative". This makes knowing the "line" tedious job.This threshold can be in many forms i.e pampering others , doing bad things , bad habits etc etc.


OOps!....... the line crossed , what now?
The scheme of things here is to give ample time to understand the damage . Many times we just don't have the "time" to understand the situation i.e forced to react in others way. If we have time , surely the problem should be handled with cool mind. Most of the time we say "this has never happened to me"......but many things happen in life for the first time and anyone will agree , "life gives no retake".
we should be ready to accept the mistake and learn from that mistake. The point which should be kept in min is "don't generalize the problem/ solution blindly ". Pre-conceived notions are worst enemies.


Before closing i would like to say hope for the best be prepared for the worst. Saying ,i was not prepared for this wont help for long.


p.s : random thoughts ruling me these days. Nothing official about it :P

Into other side....

This post is about getting into different side. Here , locus of our identity changes. We as an entity , act / forced-to-act as if we possess special attributes. Relatives ask some difficult questions i.e why this course /career ? What future goals? Your dreams are so big! Etc etc. Cousines / juniors start asking for future/ career related guidance . Earlier , i used to pamper bhaiyas and didis with similar questions . New feeling this is.
When , i was in first year i used to think , bhaiyas passing out ( 4th year ) are supermen ( have solution to all problems ). At the same stage , i am more confused then ever , so don't think i have grown enough to guide my juniors . I realised this day before yesterday when my cousin asked me to make one career related decision for him. I just gave him my knowledge and left the decision making work for him . Got scared with complexity of the given scenario.

So the dilemma when one is into "the-other-side" is obvious . People start expecting more . One has to be role-model because others will be looking upto you to learn things. One has to say to juniors to study books , only because those books are 'good' books. One has to stop younger lot from getting into "bad-habit ".

Everything in this side is not about 'trying to be nice '. In seniors , i had seen the arrogance : "i can do anything approach ". Being arrogant is good thing as long as we are not hurting others. Now , i am enjoying my all time high arrogance level ( in +ve sense :p).

I am exploring the effects and side effects of being into "the other side". As i have got into this side , i know , i will learn the rules and how to play the game safely in this alian space . Suggestions expected from friends i.e what it means to belong to other side? How to handle changed scenario ?

P.s : i thought this post will be on lighter side , but it seems my stupid serious self got priority.

Me formally an engineer...yesss!

My 8th sem sesults are out. I am formally an engineer :p (now 100% , after each sem i used to count ," how much till now ?")
i would like to say congrats to myself on this occasion.
Now time to catch other dreams before they slip away....another chase begins....chasing dreams in journey called life.

P.s : as i am using my cell phone to post my entries, that's why no pics and no experiment with font. Small blog entries as well.

Away from family

It may seem weird but today i did travel with mommy-daddy( together) after 6 long years( ignoring auto travel). We did travel today from patna to gaya. I have been living away from family now for 11 years , due to studies. I did miss many things in the process , but compromise was only option (thanks to dad's transferable job and posting happened in remote places ).
So , half of my life i have been out of home. Some basic things i did learn from home . It was time to know things away from home ( some bad and some good things ).
Here are some good /bad points ( i think so :p )

# learning and living with diverse people. When living together became lifestyle?...we never knew.sharing everything (except undies :p )....a la munnabhi mbbs.

# knowing people: from diverse background. What they think? , how they react?, how they talk? How they live. Learning and fun 24/7

# freedom : we feel responsible if we have freedom.i did learn this with attached freedom.

#food : missed "ghar ka khana".abusing the food before eating became routine.

# less interaction with real life problems. When i used to come home , i knew i was going into different world.

# friends : special friends made.friends for ever.

# girls : unknown species, less /no interaction with them .

# new hobbies: yes , i did learn new hobbies, i never knew i had a cartoonist inside me. Rubiks cube, origami , novel reading. Really new things, thanks to friends for introducing new things to me.

Long list already .i will add other things in future.

P.s : this post is dedicated to choti , she is silent follower of my blog. Initially i pampered her to read my blog.now she is regular. Thank you choti.

I chose this....

Climax scene from movie the matrix revolutions

agent smith : why mr. Anderson, why ? Why you fall every time to rise again?

Neo : ( rising again to fight ) because i have chosen this.

In life we face difficult situations because we chose to be in that situation.why we chose that path is million doller question , everyone has to answer on their own.

P.s : the matrix is my favourite movie. Did watch all 3 parts 6 times :p

p.p.s : geeta plz leave your link here. Me can't locate your blog :(

tagged : 10 more things about me

I had done one similar tag called "25 things about me" , but then i was not tagged by anyone . Recently when fms did tag me , i was tempted to do this tag for fms.
here goes 10 things about me.....in slightly different mode..

1: I am addicted to google search . My friends call me google addict . From really stupid questions to some so specific questions google has helped me everywhere. Specially linux users can't live without google search , i am one of them.

2: When i am alone , i just don't want to eat , specially when i am travelling / in the market. I end up starving my-self while travelling.

3: I did never get chance to hear english music before my college days . Things really change , once a non-listener to any music ( 4 years back ) has turned ( now ) into music freak. For records , there are 15000 songs on my computer of which 9000 are english songs. Beatles , stones , rihanna, metallica, shakira , pink floyd , eminen , madonna , nelly furtado , brian adams , Led Zepplin , the corrs , celine dion ,linkin park ,westlife ,alizee, vengaboys etc are just another names to me these days.

4: once i had wished to share heavily on college LAn. I shared 260 Gb recently for 2 months. This once meant huge fortune for me. I am owner of 500gb external hard disk .

5: romantic date : raining heavily , me and 'her' walking on deserted road slowly with hand in hand. ( Oops!!.....this got public...my friends knew this ). I will make sure only one 'her' will get this date with me.

6: I did learn many things from movies ( english ). Like listening english song this also had started 4 years back. before that i had only watched 4-5 english movies. even now i am not big movie watcher, but still manage to watch decent number of movies , at least 2-3 in one week.

7: When i was kid i took immense pleasure in hitting street dogs with stones. My wish then was to hunt birds with guns...never got gun hence no bird got killed by me . Again things really change , now i think twice before killing even mosquitos sucking my blood. :P

8: As kid , i loved planting flowers . I was successful owner of small backyard garden comprising some flowers and vegetable plants. sunflower was my favourite as it seemed magical to me ; Sunflowers change direction with changing location of sun . ( i checked their direction at night time ... how they behaved when no sun was around )

9: It was dream come true when for the first time i was sitting alone with "my" computer ( 15th january 2007 ). Buying own computer was really huge thing for me. I knew i had found my best friend i.e my computer. Looking back ....i have spent some memorable times with my computer. Saga continues....

10: I feel low when i see privileged people around me ( who get things done easily ) . here is one line which helps in the times when i feel less privileged ........"at the end of the day it doesn't matter how much one has got from life , what matters is how much one is able to give back to life " .

before closing , i tag everyone who want to share interesting things about them.

p.s : Blogger friends, plz don't forget me , i won't be regular on blog world in days to come. Me missing blog world like hell . I know many times life has to go like this , we have to live with so many constraints associated with us. My constraints are bugging me heavily :(

looking........... back /forward

definition
virtual world = gtalk 'new' additions / dc++ friends from college / blogger friends /internet forum's friends

My blogging days as engineering college student has ended ( leaving college hostel tomorrow ) . Will be on blogger as 100% engineer . Will try to add something else to my real-life profile of mine in future ( mba ..etc ) .

Experience with virtual world has been nice. At times this bugged me , but most of the times it felt like heaven . Precisely, i experienced the virtual world for two and half year. Before internet meant maintaining contact with real-life friends / browsing / searching .

This post is about , how virtual world took something out of me. No hard feeling against the ' culprits '.

Initially it was addiction to this world which was bugging me . Now the contents of this world are bugging me. I thought every thing is roasy about the virtual world. But forgot the real life people are on virtual world. They come with predefined inconsistencies and imperfection.
Many times we assume things about the persons on virtual world. We make some too big and someone too small .

So how was i bugged? i won't explain . Here are some things which can be said , maintaining suspense factor associated with each . What i felt are as under.....

# ignored at times : this might had happened unintentionally /intentionally . But do we expect everyone to notice one in this world. naah!! . Being ignored is the reality bite. I was prepared for this still got bugged.....sometimes preparedness also doesn't help.

# cheated : not big cheating did occur , mild cheat :P . Will make the person who did this to read this blog entry. The person has to face mild anger from my side for doing that thing to me. This came some short of shocker to me. . actually i was unprepared for this thing from that 'creature'. I was taken off-guard when this cheating thing did occur . Even now my heart is with her but brain is not supporting the same .

# i am giving too much of information about myself : Others might have felt , this , and they successfully knew everything about me without telling anything about them. I did not respect my privacy , i think i should had....( here , me is angry with myself )

# Felt i knew nothing about the person : real shocker, how can it be? The person was so depressed , and i got no wind about the same. Felt like culprit when she disclosed in which state she was the other night.


# pampered others : with my stupid talk . Yes when i felt so , really bad i felt . it was like cheapness personified. Expect less from others , at times i did expect too much .

# rejected : One demand of mine was rejected . This demand was something close to heart . I felt like animal on knowing this. Am i so bad? , no is the answer, but i know everyone will not understand this thing in this world . preoccupied ides....culprit here.

Nevertheless , i am still addicted to this world. I have more reasons to love this world then to hate. I just wish that day never comes , when i hate virtual world . This world has given me more then i did expect .

Again , no hard feeling against the ' creatures ' due to whom above mentioned point did originate ( me included in the list of creatures ). I am lucky, i got chance to know you people . I will continue in virtual world , but with caution , after above mentioned things which i have felt/experienced.

But i won't be over cautious , for sure :P

p.s : this blog entry is dedicated to sweetest "jasoos" i will ever know . That creature is responsible for "rejected " point mentioned above.

Award time : This is for Kajal!! . Smile kajal... smile ....always....

mango afternoon

My room still smells like mango ( Mangifera indica ). Even i ate that 2-3 hour before (we 3 friends on 2 mango ). This was seasons first mango for me . The mango was on the sweet/sour side. But still first experience of this years mango was special. Immediate thought came to write one blog on my favourite fruit .so here it goes...

The background is simple , i am big fan of mango. So many stories from my childhood days are related with me addicted to mango. At the age of 7 , i was caught eating mango at 2:30 am , that too chori-chori. Every year this story is narrated by daddy as if this happened only yesterday. This is one of the stories which makes daddy laugh loudly even now. I just enjoy watching him laugh , and act as if i was caught eating mango now. I won't explain actually what had happened , so funny incident that was.

i can't forget eating kaccha-mango from different mango trees in our locality we lived. Mostly this was done chori-chori . I was supporting actor in this crime. who was main actor ? answer is dear bhaiya!! . He had to face all the wrath in case we were caught stealing mango from mango tree. Most of the time i got away as i was considered "seeda-saada-baccha".

I eat all mangos with equal enthusiasm , specially the one's which are neglected by general masses. Some varieties , Maldah ,Dashahari , Up-langda , biju , sippiya , chausa , totapuri , to name a few , i like so much . Even the names of mangoes is so interesting . Mostly based on their source where they are found. I am yet to try the best export varieties from India to the world . This export is keeping us deprived of the best we produce , but we get much required foreign currency in return. money matters...

With so many specialities attached with mango , this is rightly said king of fruits . Everyone who has tried mango must have stories associated with the same. I am quite regular with health drinks based on mangos, ( they are easy to get ). But the experience of eating actual mango can not be matched by them . May my love for mango remains at this level in future ( has decreassed over the years ).

P.S : this blog entry is dedicated to dear daddy . He was responsible for introducing me to the world of mangos. From him only i knew how to eat mango? . His order to clean mango before eating is still an order i follow. I ask what is the name of the variety of mango from the salesman , this habit came from dad.

copying.....what it means?

Ever since i came to blog world this thing i have seen at many places , "Please don't copy". Similar words have been used in real life like music piracy, software piracy , plagiarism , etc . Confusing situation it is. At times hard to understand , where the line is , beyond which one should not go? Who are the actual copycats? Who are inspired one's ? What inspiration means? Too much

I shall try to touch some points on this topic which i have understood from different sourcs in last 3 years on this topic. Thanks to richard stallman , from him only almost all has come.

Let's start from some basic scenario , like , how many times we ask neighbors to help us , in india i am sure we ask for weird helps. No need to explain :P .If they say , sorry! whatever belongs to us is ours , not for you. What circumstances are to follow after this. Another example : many times we ask our friends to give us books , music CDs, movies CDs etc etc. Can this be called piracy ? if yes, then we should help our frinds and feel free to be accused of piracy.

Now some different examples. All of us use Newtons principle , E=mc^2 is used by us as if we were born to use this . Is this copying? Do we pay some royalities to newtons and Einsteins! for using their ideas? No , i think is the answer. Do theorems develpoed by mathematicians has any copyright associated. Just imagine if these great minds had kept their inventions/discoveries private or just barred others from using their ideas.

In modern world when we talk about piracy of softwares , i happily know many people are working day and night to provide many softwares for free and we can see the source code also . I am using 'linux' as operating system on my computer which is from open source and is free . All softwares installed on my computer are from open source , surely developed by great minds , without any selfishness. So share and let share is the motto to be followed by humanity.We should help others, knowing our work can help for devlopment of others.

But the question remains here , is anyone allowed to take credit for others work? .Big NO is the answer , the credit should always go to the person who deserves. We should use their work to improve ourselves , and should keep away from saying 'this is my work'. War between 'closed knowledge' v/s 'open knowledge is very much on. I wish , the open-source of knowlege is the winner.

p.s : not defending any copycats , but just my position on this topic

To dear mommy.....

with all respect, dear mommy!!,

This is a mother's day (10th may ) and and time to realize how lucky i am to be your son. Here are some confessions ..err..some realizations which i can think at this point of time. List is long.....some are here

1: I never woke up when you asked me at home to wake up early . I am out of home for so long , i always woke up thinking you will get angry if i am late.I know you will never accept this 'theory' of mine.

2: I don't sit near the gate in moving train , and i don't walk on railway platform without any purpose. When you are around i have always asked you to allow me doing these things.

3: I have learned bargaining from you. In front of you i always showed , i just don't like bargaining in shops.

4: I always think about expenditure while spending on anything. This art came from you.

5: You have always plan B ready . Me try to copy you in many circumstances thinking about what your plan B must had been.

6: You are ready to go at any extent if you are correct. I haven't been able to do this , but trying...

7: I remember how bad you felt when i failed in some exams, still you did hide those feeling just to keep me motivated .

8: I made you angry at times just to seek your attention.So many ready-made 'methods' i had to make you angry.

9: When i was kid i was happy to get sick!. After all you were there round the clock when i got ill.

10: I knew i made bad tea , still you did enjoy that as if that tea was best tea made ever.

many , many , many things are there but you know , you have so many good things attached , which i will never know.

Happy mothers' day to all mothers in this world.Saluting the motherhood.

with all love, son
neeraj

feeling lonely......

In earlier cases this might had been my diary entry....me talking to myself. Don't know why i am writing this on blog. Readers can avoid this as this is boring face of mine.

So, here i am the state of mind which i dislike...feeling lonely. This is due to some decisions i have to make soon. With college ending ( 10 days ) , i am again seeing element of void in near future. Time to get out of comfort zone . Very apprehensive i am , what is there for me in future ?. Some career decisions are to be taken by me and me alone . Very lonely......mood swing since yesterday evening.

While i am writing this , "Savage garden : when you feel all alone ", is playing on my comp. i am really touched by the lines....

"When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore"

I feel really bad when i have to wait alone at railway platform. I hate walking alone . Talking to self is painful at times . The questions ,"what i have done till now? " , really tests my control on myself.

I have always been some sort of loner , introvert , and whatever words can be used for this situation. I can't explain why this is the case with me . May be in quest of becoming good-boy i got so serious and hence loner . In 3-4 years situation has changed slightly , but still i have remained where i was. But can't take anymore, just hate feeling lonely. It's like enough is enough.


I just hope , everything goes fine. Bad thing, i can't ask 'god' to help me. Side effects of being non-believer.

Sharing my fav. lines.....anyone needs!!

Today i am in mood to share lines which are my favourite. These have become my favourite in past few years (3-4 years) . Only 10 are presented here to keep this entry short and simple.

here they go...

1. Somethings will never change , but thankfully many things do change : from my favourite movie the matrix. This is most frequently used dialogue used by me. Just love to speak this in almost all circumstances.

2. Catch your dreams before they slip away : from song 'ruby tuesday' by stones. Dreams won't stay forever to be caught. Time matters i.e what we achieve and when.

3.There is difference between knowing the path and walking on it : again from movie 'the matrix' . How many times we just think to do something and when we go for actual implementation , we realize, it was so tough!!.

4. Madness is like gravity all it needs is little push : movie 'the dark knight' . Anyone can act weird , even best behaved persons need just little push to turn into demon.

5.We are captives of our own identity living in prison of our own creation. from tv series 'prison break'. I had written one blog entry on this . No wonder this is one of my favourite lines.

6.Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss: novel 'inheritance of loss' by kiran desai . Achievement brings happiness , but the pain of failure can not be compared to happiness of success ...err..will never be comparable.

7.Winning is important but equally important is resilience to face defeat : don't remember from where it came but this is surely on of my favourites. It's all about accepting defeat and keeping oneself motivated to work for future success.

8.World is cruel and only morality is chance : again from the movie 'the dark knight' . Everything in this world is associated with how we react when we get chance.

9. Sometimes life has to go like this : chris gayle ( cricketer ). We should accept life in all forms , at times this can be painful.

10.Stay hungry , stay foolish : steve jobs , founder of 'apple computer Inc.'. If one wants to learn something best way is to be always open for knowledge. We should never be preoccupied with our own way of thinking.


before closing ........Why So seriousssss!!!...ala joker-style from dark knight. Giving funda of life is fun :P

p.s : I thought about this post after reading aditi's blog . She had shared some quotations in one of her posts. So this post is dedicated to aditi .

arguments and counter arguments

How many times we just disagree the person in front of us?. We are obsessed with our own theories. We just think what we think is best in this universe. Others will believe in different school of thoughts . If they ignore what others are saying , well and good ; if not , what results is argument and counter arguments. Welcome to world of proving oneself!.

Humanity has thrived and developed so much based on understanding they developed in past for future decisions . Misunderstanding and conflict of principles led to huge wars , which did shame the creator of this universe . Even creator had to think, "if we are his/her creation". This conflict of ideas occurs at different levels.

At individual level..some possible divisions can be

1. Me v/s myself : when two inner-selves fight with each other . One will force us to do wrong thing other will try to save us from doing anything wrong. Which is write/wrong , which wins is dependent on circumstances. Sometimes there are justification, many times we just do something. This is very tricky situation when we try to justify ourselves against ourselves.

2. In friend circle : This is most fruitful scenario. Friends can't harm each other . So what results from the argument and counter arguments is so beautiful that one can be proud of being part of discussion. One can learn many things from this discussion. I am obliged to so many of my friends for teaching me many good things. This learning process is only taking beautiful dimensions these days

3: Consists of ego clashes : When one can go at any extent to prove one's point. These are the scenario , when virtues of being human are tested. What is right and wrong takes a back seat and egos and superiority complex gains front seat. What results from this argument and counter argument is friends becoming enemies . Real shameful situation this is. How we can let the situation to get to such dirty proportions. Stupidity helps us in reaching there .


India was so developed in past only due to the fact that we used to discuss a-lot about different thinking. We are so diverse because we have great tolerance. Same can be implemented at individual level .We should share our way of thinking and modification according to surrounding is the keyword/mantra.

p.s : this is dedicated to all my friends here in BIT with whom i did participate in many debates every Friday/Saturday nights for 2 years. I did learn many things from there.

p.p.s : this post also dedicated to msr and ashrita . with msr i had some debate yesterday on one of her blog entry (hey! msr , i'm looking for more debates with you). With ashrita, had exchanges today on my thinking towards "thank-you-theory".

State of denial

image : best example of state-of-denial. Anyone disagrees!!?


This was topic of the cartoon me tried to draw when pakistan denied the terrorists , who were part of mumbai attack , were not pakistani citizens . We said they are in state of 'denial' . This post is all about state-of-denials we create in our real life.

How many times we just ignore things?.... to be happy!. Countless number , nahi kya?. Example, when good days are about to get over we easily get into that state saying , still many things left. We try to capture things from past for future 'use'..another way of denying truth...memories we start calling that. No wonder in all the parties many of us get busy with clicking-pics-work and stop enjoying the actual party . Situation of loosing contact with friends is scary , denial here is supported by orkuts-and-facebooks . We just think we are in contact with our near and dear one's . But are we actually in contact?.....Debatable topic....many will say that contact is virtual ....many will say naah!... real hai. We enjoy the happiness of denial , that can be called paradise of denial.

So many 'denials' already used till now. We should not accept truth and start cursing life. Accepting the situation and a move on from the situation does help . Denying the situation is actual helplessness.

I remember india government showed some denial , saying , "recession what recession!!?" . Denial can be part of very good diplomacy but accepting the truth and facing the reality is actual bravery. Bravery deserves a testing scenario.

p.s : This post is dedicated to the 'person' who kept me on chat till 3:30am ( today ). Me in state-of-denial , unable to accept that i won't be able to 'kill' early morning time in near future with her :(

p.p.s : today my UPSC admid card came . Till now , me was denying the fact that " i'm sitting for civil-service-exam". Now, with admit card on table....heart beating faster. Another denial coming to an end.

sound from memory lanes......

image : thakurganj , bihar , i stayed there for 3 years (1995-1997) .look at encircled "mango tree" (planted by me ) and marked railway track (my long evening walk path )
click on pic to see enlarged version of same.

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55fiction:

Morning began with rooster's strut . Now, me walking on railway track.Oops! , train whistling , asking for way. That crow on the railway signal did sit on "my" mango tree today, breaking two leaves. I did retaliate by pelting stones.

Will remember strange whispers of surroundings , nostalgia they say , i will call this, the sound from memory lanes.


P.S : i did imagine me walking on the railway track "then" .

this blog entry has its seeds in

ashrita's comment in my last blog entry when she said she is going to sow some seeds. Me thought about mango tree planted by me long ago. Never saw that as grown up-tree. But from google-earth looks quite big now.

Sound of sound : article by P R chari on TOI 23rd april. Author had home near railway track, he felt nostalgic about trains noise. Me also lived so close to railway line (check encircled house in picture ).

Me did many morning and evening walks on the railway track (yes...me used to walk on the track). Dad used to warn me many times and asked me to walk on sideways.But i did hardly give any care to suggestions :)

So beautiful small-small town thakurganj , thanks to dads transferable job , me lived in such beautiful place . So green and a lot of rain there. Just loved watching huge fields of paddy and banana fields visible from backyard from our house.

Thanks to google-earth!!, me got chance to visit memory-lanes without actually visiting there :)

P.S.S : Another 55fiction from me , me loving this . But this time i had problem cutting so may words , compressing took a lot of editing. So many 'redundant' words were deleted.

O!! mother earth ...we love you

image : mother earth sleeping in isoaltion. Can we ignore her?


Birds were twittering, sun was saying bye . Everything was changing as many thought about a place called 'home'. How stupid we became , forgot you ; when you cared most . Living happily in prison of own creation ,but were we happy?

Time to remember you. Happy earth day!! , to mother earth. We love you , love you forever!!.


p.s : did read kajal and Ms.R writing such fiction(well written by both ). They called this "55fiction" ( fiction in 55 words ). I don't know how much successful i got with my this attempt, but yes, number of words is 55 for sure ...lol. Anyway i had to write something for "mother earth" on earth's day. I loved this style :) (today is earth's day...for some of us who are confused )

dance of democracy...election 2009

image : 16th apr 2009 , some village in bihar : i wish day comes when all of us can participate in voting without any help.


So general elections are on in largest democracy in this world , INDIA.I was trying to write something on this , but laziness prevailed.But good thing, me finally writing something on this . Arranging election of this much magnitude is huge thing and an achievement also (yes , fail to control some corruption in this process ).

Like all general elections this one too has already given us some shocks.Many persons have died in election related violence ( sad!! ). people dying for sake of democracy, me felt really bad on listening to news of recent poll-day-violence. My father in on election duty (bihar police )....i keep my fingers crossed on election days. It's only on evening-of-polling day i get info to ease the tension when i call dad to ask for his well being.


Dance of democracy we are seeing again, mud slinging everywhere . Some political enemies , becoming "friends" , some "friends" breaking-up . I am sure they don't have any work ethics. Public is being fooled in whole of this saga. So confusing situation, isn't it? , two political parties , friends in one state can be opponent in other state. Really , ours is country of "wonders".

This time i am missing voice of loud-speakers (college-hostel-stay-and-exam-time). But election-time-effect visible , "student-buses" to ranchi from our college are cancelled , buses have been taken away for election duty.

hey!!! but no effect on cricket lovers , BCCI have shown us , we can ignore , festival-of-democracy to watch business-called-cricket. I am sure many of us must be discussing which-team-will-win-IPL rather then mood-of-voters. I did read many debates on this topic ,they concluded , image of india has been tarnished by hosting IPL in SA . I agree with this thought , what world must be thinking of us?, is cricket so important? ...err...money is important!!. After all they are playing for money. Democracy is facing challenge from crazy people having money.

This blog entry will remain incomplete without talk of people ignoring democracy.
Well and good for these people , but we love freedom which comes by-virtue-of-being-democracy. we still have wise junta who can select the government. Many of us are illiterate, lacking basic life living facilities. some of us , who have the facilities can ignore democracy saying , system is BAD. But thankfully most of us can-not, we don't have option to say so. Majority of us are informed about this situation.

Before closing one quote from one of the panel discussion i did watch sometime in 2005. One administrator said, "OK!! , our system has some faults , but at the same time we have system which can be repaired. If our car gets some fault , then obviously, it is not good idea to revert back to bullock-cart days. We should do something to repair the car"..

long live democracy....plz every one of us save our democracy ( from corruption )

Life will continue..........adios college

image : jungle/short-cut in our college , streets we shall never walk again.

This blog entry is too small to capture my college days (about to end in 1 months, 15th may 2009). This is my attempt to say "good-bye" to my college "BIT, Mesra , Ranchi". Weird means are being used to make it part of ever lasting memories (they can-not be explained here for obvious reasons ). We all know these are the best days of our life , so we don't want to regret , "are!!!...ye nahi kiya.....wo nahi kiya....".

When we came here , most of us had pain in their heart for not clearing IIT-JEE. Many had cleared , but the AIR (all-India rank )was not good enough to get desired IIT or wished "branch" at IITs. We had many dreams , and next four years were to be experienced here at BIT Campus (very beautiful , with tons-and-tons of trees).

The summary of our life here , can be represented by slightly modified song from the movie " hazaaron khwahisein aisi...."

"streets we had never walked,
windows we had never opened,
hands we had never held,
Dreams we shall never see again."

We did walk on many streets of life , never walked ; always studious guys became "masti" loving groups. Many windows were opened , me turned from "so-formal-guy" into "halla-gulla-guy" (many phases of this transition). Hands never got held though (love-life), at-least for me :P (by the time i thought about this , it was too late to try, some attempts resulted into failures ) .Many got successful and gave their quantum of college-life to someone "special". We have already dreamt many things , completing them will be life long process , these dreams won't be dreamt any longer.

The final tribute goes in the form of following words, thanks to college for....

"lives we have lived,
hopes we had never realized ,
fires we have lit ,
loves we shall never never make again."

May all good things remain with all of us for the whole life .We just hope , all "bad" things gained here are no longer part of our life after college (bad habits go ....slow :P )

Adiós college :(

no-one can-not control the time. Time is dirty , takes away good times from us. again i will use my favourite consolation statement

"all good things have to end and become yaadein".Life continues .....even god can-not change past, but future is to be made.

p.s : @ appu , i don't know how much "emosanal-atyachar" has been done in this blog entry , but one thing for sure , college-life "summery" remains same for all "college-goers" at the end of college. So you read this now and "weep-buckets" at the end of college days (not near ....so enjoy for the time being). your bundles of tissue papers are safe for now :D

"Me v/s myself" .....cartoons

image 1: when truce was decided



image2 : when war was on :)

image3 : from here the war was renewed.


# me v/s myself . click on image to see the actual version of the image.

This is "On-demand" post for Ashrita and deeply dip. Thanks for showing interest in my cartoons to both of you. I failed to get them scanned so posting the photographs.

This "me v/s myself" cartoons were on display in "my-room's-wall" last year, (dates are visible).
Then obvious war was going inside me "study/laziness" , so "me v/s myself".
No points for guessing ,that finally the truce was reached (that happens always) , after getting placement . Since then there has hardly been any fight between " Me and myself" ( ignoring some small arguments :D ).

Due to so slow net-speed i am unable to upload all the cartoons here, but some i have uploaded some on flikr.

Plz. check at flikr

http://www.flickr.com/photos/onceflikrbyneeraj/?saved=1

These days , i am loving cartoooning, but not so regular.feedback plz ,good-bad both accepted :)

image 4 : Now search is On for "Tum" .Kahan ho tum..kahan ho tum :)

May this search lead to "one" successful result :P

Nano......dream come true

pic: Tata-nano (yellow was never so admired)


This blog entry has been delayed by quite sometime..grrr....lazy me. But i am better prepared to write this after reading so many articles by "expert-analysts" coming back from "nano-test-runs" . Hey, i am not going to write about various features contained by "Nano".But i will talk about how did i came to know about this "car".

So , i did hear about "nano"......err "1-lakh-ki-car" (name was not known then) by TATA Motors back in year 2005. To be precise August 2005. I was new in college , ,I had bought some magazines while coming from home (don't remember the name). They had this as cover story i.e How the "cheap" car can be made ?What technologies they will apply to achieve the target ? and history of other low cost cars (ford had done this long ago).

To make things interesting we were ( me and my 4 friends) participating in Tech- fest "technieek 2005" held in our college. There was one event called "dream- machine". I did suggest my team "1-lakh-ki-car" as our dream machine. We had many brainstorming sessions. Leading to no results .....hehe.

But we did discuss many things to reduce the cost , and drawing the "prototype" was big fun. We failed to reach to any conclusion . Or failed to justify so cheap car is a possibility. Our one "subject " of discussion was "single" door car.Big laughter session followed on this. When be did imagine about operational difficulty of this thought.

we left "the cost" factor. After all it was dream machine...hehe. So we did end up making "some-designs" of a car which can "swim" (on and inside water :D), fly (yes, we did add this thing too) , and obviously move on four wheels.We came 3rd in this event..... (still we were so happy).Good experience it was.


But finally the tata motors engineers have made this a possibility and nono is so cute to watch . Without any doubt a dream-machine for us indians.After mobile handset for everyone we can look for car. Hats off to the engineers who were part of this project. world is watching india ,earlier we used to look at them for their creativity of making dream machines.

So all the best to "Nano" and welcome on our own roads (actual story will begin there...wishing best of luck again to nano )
I will love to have one nano , which i can call "my-nano". I am not registering for nano now (i don't have any money to buy one....hehe). But one needs more "luck" then money now to get nano...after all they will select "top-1-lakh " people selected randomly.

I am waiting for similar innovation in other fields in India. lets wait for the best....
cheers.